From dreams to dreams. Accurate setting of goals and objectives in practice Direct ferris dreams

- Tell me, please, where should I go from here?

- Where do you want to go? - answered the Cat.

- I don't care ... - said Alice.

- Then it doesn't matter where you go, - said the Cat.

LEWIS CARROLL (1832-1898), English writer, mathematician and logician

The prudent person adapts to the world, and the unreasonable stubbornly tries to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, we owe all progress to the unreasonable person.

GEORGE BERNARD SHOW (1856-1950), English writer

Spring 2005, Princeton, New Jersey

I had to go to blackmail. What else was there for me? They sat around me, and if the names were different for everyone, then the same question stood in my eyes: "What kind of test?" Everyone was staring at me.

My lecture at Princeton University had just ended and was a great success. But I knew that despite all my calls, most students would continue to do the opposite. Many of them will put up with 80-hour workweeks as high-paid coffee peddlers if I don't show you how to put the principles outlined in the lecture into practice.

For this, the test was conceived.

I offered a round-trip ticket to anywhere in the world for anyone who can cope with an unfamiliar "test". The outcome plus methods of execution are evaluated. I told the brave ones to come after class. And so they gathered - 20 out of 60 students.

The task was set in such a way that the students left their comfort zone using the tactics that I taught. The condition of the problem is simple: contact three celebrities, for example, Jennifer Lopez, Bill Clinton, Jerome Salinger and persuade at least one to answer three questions.

How many students do you think completed the assignment? Out of 20 free travel hunters?

Imagine ... nobody. No one.

There were no excuses: “It’s not so easy to get a meeting with prominent people ...”, “I’m going to hand over a difficult task soon, so…”, “I would be happy, but it’s impossible ...” In fact, there was only one reason, they only expressed it in different words: the task is difficult, almost impossible, there is no guarantee that no one will overtake you. Since all the students overestimated the difficulty of the test, none of them even took it.

According to the ridiculous rules that I myself established, it was enough to bring me unintelligible answers to questions, just one paragraph, and I had to give the promised prize. The result puzzled and upset me.

But the next year it was very different.

As a cautionary note, I described how the test for the previous course ended and 6 of the 17 students completed the assignment in less than 48 hours. So they turned out to be smarter than their predecessors? Not at all. In fact, a year earlier I had more talented students, but they didn’t achieve anything. Firepower is in the ability to spin, not just pull the trigger with your finger.

The second group just realized the meaning of the words that they heard from me before the assignment, and these were words ...

It's easier to cope with an unrealistic task than a real one

Meeting the star — the second group of students accomplished both tasks — is as easy as believing it can be.

Living on the top of the world is lonely. 99% of people are convinced that a person born to crawl cannot fly, therefore they are content with a mediocre life. Thus, the more “real” the task, the fiercer will be the competition among those who undertake it, and, paradoxically, solving the problem will require more time and effort. Collecting $ 10 million is easier than $ 1 million. Collecting ten points once is easier than five times eight.

Don't you believe in yourself? Not only you. Don't overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are much better than you think.

There is another reason why unreasonable and unrealistic goals are more attainable.

To set a high goal for yourself means to cause a surge of adrenaline, which will provide endurance, help to overcome inevitable difficulties and bring you to the final. Realistic goals, driven by low ambition, help to hold out the maximum to the second obstacle. If the expected reward is so-so, you won't be able to resist with all your might. To sail on a catamaran among the Greek islands, I'm ready to punch a wall with my head, but for the trip to Columbus, Ohio, I will not give up even my favorite cornflakes. If I choose the second goal only for reasons of “reality”, I will not have enough enthusiasm to overcome even the smallest barrier to it. But when crystal clear Greek waters and exquisite wines beckon, I am ready to fight for such an opportunity to the end. Despite the fact that the degree of attainability on a 10-point scale for these two goals is 10 and 2 points, respectively, with Columbus nothing will come of it.

The fish bite better where it is caught less. The massive uncertainty makes it easier to hit the bull's-eye while everyone else is aiming at the edges of the target. Competition for hard-to-reach goals is less intense.

Striving for big goals starts with choosing the right ones.

What do you want? First of all, the exact formulation of the question

Most people will never understand what they want. And I don't know what I want. But if you ask what I want to achieve in the next five months in learning foreign languages, I can answer. It's all about concretization. "What do you want?" Is too general a question to give a concrete answer. Forget about it.

The question "what are your goals?" is also bewildering and confusing. To paraphrase it, it is necessary to abstract and look at the situation as a whole.

Suppose we have ten goals and we are moving towards them. In which case can we say that the game was worth the candle? Most people (which I was part of five years ago) will answer that this result should be happiness. But now I find this answer unfortunate. Happiness can be bought with a bottle of wine, and when overused it takes on a double meaning. There is a better alternative to happiness, which I believe is the true goal.

Follow my train of thought. What is the opposite of happiness - grief? No. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, the same is true for happiness and sorrow. A good example is tears of joy. The antithesis of love is indifference, the opposite of happiness is boredom, that's the whole problem.

Inspiration is a more accurate synonym for the word "happiness", it is to it that you should strive. This is a true panacea. When people advise you to give free rein to your passions, to do something that gives you pleasure, they essentially mean the same excitement.

So, the circle is complete. You shouldn't ask questions like "what do I want?" or "what is my goal", and the question "what really fascinates me?"

ADS in Adults: Adventure Deficit Syndrome

At some point between graduating from college and looking for a second job, a chorus jumps into our internal dialogue with a chorus: be realistic, don't play out of yourself. Life is not a movie.

When you tell your parents at the age of five that you want to be an astronaut, they assure you that you can become whoever you want. This lie does no harm, nor does the claim that Santa Claus exists. But if, at the age of 25, you announce that you have planned something adventurous, the answer will be different: be realistic, learn to be a lawyer, accountant or doctor, have children and raise them to repeat the cycle.

If you ignore the advice of doubters and, for example, start your own business, Adventure Deficit Disorder (ADS) will not disappear. It will simply take on a different form.

In 2001, I founded BrainQUICKEN LLC with the sole purpose of making a thousand dollars a day anyway - no matter if I'm pounding on my laptop keys or having a pedicure on the beach. I needed an automatic cash flow. If you go back to my chronology, it becomes clear that only the collapse of competitors' markets helped me achieve this goal, although the company was bringing the necessary income. What's the matter? The goal was simply not specific enough. I had little idea what alternative activities would replace the original workload. So I just kept on working, even though there was no financial need for it. I needed to know that I was useful, and I knew no other way to achieve this other than through work.

This is how most people work hard until they die: "I'll just do my job until I accumulate X dollars, and only then I'll do what I like." If you don't find out in advance what we really like, you will increase the amount of X to infinity, because you are afraid of the unknown and emptiness.

It is in this case that both employees and entrepreneurs turn into fat men in red BMWs.

Fat man in red BMW

There were several moments in my life, including shortly before leaving the company TrueSAN, just before fleeing the USA (if I had not escaped, I would probably have shown up with a UZI submachine gun at a McDonalds restaurant), when I imagined myself in the future as typical a fat man with a middle-aged crisis and a BMW. I just watched those who were 15-20 years ahead of me, but walked the same path - a sales director, an entrepreneur in the same industry, saw what became of them, and was horrified.

The phobia was so poignant, and the image so vivid, that Douglas Price, my fellow life design fellow and entrepreneur, used it to bring each other to life. For almost five years, Doug and I have been on parallel courses, overcoming the same obstacles and self-doubt, and thus maintaining a psychological connection. Our recession periods alternated, so we worked well together.

As soon as one of us lost heart, lost faith in ourselves, or “come to terms with reality,” the other intervened by phone or email like a curator from the Association of Alcoholics Anonymous: “Dude, what are you doing? Transforming into a bald tummy in a red BMW convertible? " This prospect turned out to be so frightening that we inevitably began to move, revised priorities and abruptly returned to the previous course. The worst thing that could happen to us was not a catastrophe, but reconciliation with unbearable boredom as the only possible form of existence.

Remember, our enemy is not an abstract "fiasco", but boredom.

Clarifying Course: Fuck Realism

When I need to speed up, to break away from a fat man in a BMW, I resort to a tried and tested tool. Experienced NS of the world use it in one form or another. This method is called "dream line" because it imposes plans on the line of time that most people would call dreams.

In many ways, the process is similar to targeting, but with a few fundamental differences.

1. In this case, the goals are concrete steps, not vague desires.

2. To be effective, goals must be unrealistic.

3. The focus is on activities that have to fill the vacuum created at the workplace. “Living like a millionaire” means doing interesting things, not just owning envy property.

Now it's your turn to think seriously.

QUESTIONS AND TASKS

Life loses its meaning mainly in a state of boredom.

VICTOR FRANKL (1905-1997), Austrian psychiatrist and philosopher, founder of logotherapy, former prisoner of Auschwitz

Life is too short to be insignificant.

BENJAMIN DISRAELI

Making a line of dreams is both exciting and challenging. And the more difficult this process, the more you need it. In order to save time, I recommend using calculator programs and electronic questionnaires on the website www. ... Follow these steps.

1. What would you do if the possibility of failure was completely eliminated? What if you were 10 times smarter than all the people in the world?

Build two straight dreams - 6 months and 12 months, then make a list of five things you dream about. Include in the list what you would like to have (including material goods - a house, car, clothes, etc., but not limited to them), who you would like to become (a famous chef, connoisseur of the Chinese language, etc.) ) and what to do (visit Thailand, find relatives abroad, participate in the ostrich races, etc.) - in that order. If you, like most people, find it difficult to determine your desires that fall under the listed categories, think about what you would definitely not want in each of the categories, and write down exactly the opposite. Do not limit yourself in anything, do not rack your brains over how to achieve these goals. While none of this matters. We are just doing the exercise of releasing desires.

Do not judge or deceive yourself in any way. If you really dream of a Ferrari, don't try to shake off your guilt by solving the problem of global hunger. Some dream of fame, others - of wealth or authority. Each has its own shortcomings and vulnerabilities. Write down anything that will build your self-esteem. I own a racing bike because I don’t just love speed - it makes me feel cool to myself. And there is nothing wrong with that. Write everything down.

2. Lost?

Many of us tend to complain about insurmountable obstacles on the way to a cherished dream, but at the same time, most people are unable to explain what this dream is. This is especially true for the “what my dream of doing” category. Consider the following questions.

A. What would you be doing day in and day out if you had $ 100 million in the bank?

B. Why would you gladly wake up in the morning?

Take your time, think for a few minutes. If the barrier is insurmountable, fill in the “activity” category in this order:

the place where I dream to visit; * what I'm going to leave the memory of myself after death; * - what I dream of doing every day; \u003e what I dream of doing once a week;

what I have always dreamed of learning.

3. What does it take to fulfill the “who I would like to be” dreams?

Subordinate each dream in this category to a dream in your activity list for a guide to action. Find out what needs to be done and what tasks to accomplish in order to become who you dream. Usually people deal with this category faster than others, but it is only a transitional stage to the category of "occupation."

Here are some examples:

Become a famous chef - "Make your own Christmas dinner. Speak fluent Chinese -\u003e Chat with a Chinese colleague for five minutes.

4. Pick four dreams that will completely transform your life.

On the six-month straight time, mark with an asterisk or other icon the most cherished and important dreams of all categories. If desired, repeat the same process for a straight time of 12 months.

5. Determine the cost of realizing these dreams, calculate the planned monthly income (PMI) for both direct times.

If your wishes can be funded, how much money will you need per month to fulfill your four dreams (including rent, mortgage payments, miscellaneous contributions, etc.)? Think about income and expenses in terms of monthly cash flows: consider receipts and expenses, not totals. Many dreams are much cheaper than we think. For example, a brand-new $ 260,000 Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder costs only $ 2,897.80 a month. My favorite, the 1600 km Astin Martin DB9, I found on eBay for just $ 136,000, in other words, $ 2003.10 a month.

The tools and secrets at the end of Chapter 14 will help you calculate some of the costs.

Finally, calculate the PMD you need to make your dreams come true. This is done by first adding up the numbers in columns A, B, and C for only four select dreams. For some of them, the amount will be zero, and this is normal. Then add to it the total monthly costs multiplied by 1.3 (a factor of 1.3 is needed to calculate the costs with a 30 percent margin for covering possible risks). The amount received is your projected monthly income and a goal to keep in mind as you read this book. I gladly divided the PMI by 30 to get the Planned Daily Income (TPI). It turned out that it's easier for me to operate with daily goals. The calculator programs on this book's website will do the job for you. Therefore, you will cope with this stage in no time.

The numbers are likely to be much lower than expected and will decline over time as you move away from the “have” category in favor of the “do” category. Your mobility plays an important role here. And even if the total amount makes you feel shy, don't be alarmed right away. I have already happened to help students to earn extra 10 thousand dollars a month for three months

6. Identify three steps for each of the four dreams, based on the six-month dream line. Take the first step immediately.

I'm not a fan of long-term planning and long-term goals. As a rule, I make plans for the next three months and six months. Otherwise, the conditions of the problem change too noticeably; with long planning, there is a temptation to postpone decisive actions for later. The purpose of our exercise is not to describe each mai from start to finish, but to determine the final goal, find out what means are needed to achieve it (PMD, PSD), and gain the necessary acceleration. At this stage, it is important to free up time and go to PMD (this will be discussed in the following chapters).

First of all, let's focus on the important initial steps. For each dream, identify three steps that will bring it closer to fulfillment. Make a sequence of actions - simple, concrete actions for today, tomorrow (finish before 23:00) and the day after tomorrow (again, finish before 23:00).

Once you've identified three steps for each of the four goals, follow the three steps in the Do Now column. Take them and make them immediately. Of course, the steps should be simple enough to be completed in five minutes or less. If more time is required, postpone these steps for later. If the night is outside and calls are not good

An example of "straight dreams"

"Straight Dreams"

when the time is right, do other things, like sending emails, and put the call off until the morning.

If the next step is data monitoring, get in touch with people who can answer your questions, but do not spend too much time scouring directories or the Internet: prolonged monitoring can stall all work. As a best practice, I recommend finding someone who has already completed a similar task and asking them for advice. It is not hard.

Another option is a meeting or telephone conversation with a coach, mentor, salesperson to get off the dead I glasses. Can you arrange a private lesson or an appointment that would be awkward to cancel later? Take advantage of the feeling of guilt for your own purposes.

Tomorrow means never. No matter how small the task, take the first step now!

PROBLEM OF COMFORT

The most important things are never pleasant.

Fortunately, you can train yourself to be uncomfortable and learn to overcome it. I made it a rule to propose my solutions, and not wait for strangers, provoke the necessary reactions, and not react, show assertiveness in the case, but so as not to overdo it. To live an unconventional lifestyle, you will need an unconventional habit of making decisions for yourself and others.

Next, you will be offered a series of exercises, at first simple and trivial, with gradually increasing levels of discomfort. Some at first glance seem simple and even useless, but only until you get down to them. Consider what is happening as a game, tune in to excitement and work in advance. This is the essence of the exercises. Almost all of the exercises are completed in two days. Make a note in your diary so that you don't forget about the exercise, do not grab onto several problems at once.

Remember, there is a direct link between expanding your comfort zone and making your dreams come true.

So let's get started.

Point blank (2 days)

My friend Michael Ellsberg is hosting an evenings for singles called "Point Blank". It's kind of like dating evenings, but with one significant difference: speaking is prohibited. You should look into each other's eyes for three minutes in a row. Having attended such an event, you will see how embarrassing most people feel. Over the next two days, practice: look at passers-by point-blank, look the other person in the eyes until he looks away first. Hints:

1) do not stare in both eyes at the interlocutor, occasionally blink so that you do not get nagged, mistaking for a psychopath;

2) maintain eye contact during the dialogue; this is easiest to do while your interlocutor is speaking and you are listening;

3) do the same exercise when communicating with superior or more confident people; if a passer-by asks why the hell did you hatch at him, smile and say, "Sorry, I mistook you for an old friend."

Step to the side

How to resist fear

Standing in one place, many make a false step.

The dictum hidden in the packaging of Chinese cookies
Your fear must be named before you can banish it.

YODA from the movie Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back "

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Another six meters - that's all.

- Run! Run and and and and!

Hans did not know Portuguese, but he understood the meaning: push! Furiously pushing his sneakers off the rocky ground, he rushed chest first to the abyss almost a kilometer deep.

On the last steps, he held his breath and almost fainted from panic. Objects floated around, his eyes darkened, and suddenly ... he flew. The boundless sky blue stretched to the very horizon, as soon as he realized that the updraft of warm air caught his paraglider. Fear was left behind on the top of the mountain. Hovering three hundred meters above the lush green of the rainforest and the pristine whiteness of Copacabana's beaches, Hans Keeling suddenly regained his sight.

It happened on Sunday.

On Monday morning, Hans walked into his law office tucked away in Century City, Los Angeles' corporate haven paradise. Having barely crossed the threshold of the office, he announced that he was quitting after completing the prescribed three weeks. For almost five years, he shuddered at one thought: is this hard labor for another 40-45 years? One day, after completing another job, he had to spend the night in the office under the table, and the next morning again harness himself into the strap. It was on that morning that he made an oath to himself: two more such hands-on hands - and I no longer work here. The third was on the eve of Hans's departure to Brazil.

Who among us did not promise, and this happened to Hans not for the first time, but now the situation was different. Hans has changed. While diving on a paraglider, he realized: once you take the first step, the risk will cease to scare you. Colleagues spoke out as Hans expected: why throw so much work down the drain? After all, he is already a lawyer, quickly moving up the career ladder - why the hell does he still want?

Hans himself did not know what he wanted, but the novelty was to his taste. But he knew for sure that he was dying of boredom at work, and decided to end her. Enough of his foolish going to work, enough dinners at which colleagues brag about cars, enough bragging about a brand new BMW - after all, soon someone will overshadow him in an expensive Mercedes. Everything is tied!

The change began suddenly: for the first time in a long time, Hans suddenly felt peace of mind and a bold decision no longer worried him. Previously, he was always afraid to fly planes, especially to get into zones of turbulence, and now he slept in a chair like a baby, even in a severe thunderstorm. Unbelievable, but it is a fact.

A year has passed. Law firms still hired Hans to work, but by then he had founded Nexus Surf 10, an extreme surfing company, and settled in a tropical paradise in Florianopolis, Brazil. In the same place, Hans met the girl of his dreams - a Carioca 11 named Tatiana, with caramel-colored skin, and for days on end he either basked under the palm trees or helped clients experience unforgettable moments.

What was he so afraid of?

Now he often recognizes his former self in the office giants, whom he teaches to catch the wave. Waiting for the tide, tourists often burst out sincerely: "How I would like to live like you!" And Hans always answers the same: "So live!"

The setting sun is reflected in the water and heightens Hans' feeling: it's not just a temporary break from work. He could resume his career as a lawyer, but thinks about his career least of all.

After an exciting lesson, Hans and his charge float back on the boards, raking water with their palms. Seeing the approaching shore, the client wakes up, and reality immediately takes its victim: "I would be happy, but I can't give up everything!"

Hans just laughs.

The Power of Pessimism: Defining a Nightmare

Action does not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), British Prime Minister and writer
To be or not to be? Take a chance or not even try? Most will not take the risk, regardless of whether these people consider themselves brave or not. Uncertainty and the threat of defeat can scare anyone. Many will prefer the absence of happiness to uncertainty. For many years I have set goals, made decisions, changed directions - and all in vain. I was just as tormented with fear and uncertainty as any person.

Four years ago, a simple thought came to me. At the time, I was making so much money that I didn't know what to do with it — about $ 70,000 a month — and yet I was unhappy. I did not have a free minute, I worked hard until the seventh sweat. Having founded the company, I belatedly realized that it would be almost impossible to sell it 12. Here's your time. I found myself in a stupid and hopeless position. I should have foreseen this, I thought. Who am I such an idiot? Why doesn't it work for me? Don't be stupid, enough to be (further unprintable)! What is wrong with me? Nothing really special. It was not me who reached my ceiling; it was just that my business model was too narrow at the time. It's not the driver's fault, it's the car.

Mistakes made at the birth of the company left no hope of selling it. Even if I hired elves as assistants and connected to a powerful supercomputer, nothing would change. My brainchild had serious congenital defects. The questions arose: how can I get rid of this Frankenstein and at the same time help him get back on his feet? How to break free from the tenacious tentacles of workaholism and fear that if I leave for at least 15 days - and the matter will fall apart? How to escape from the prison that I have built with my own hands? There is only one way out - travel. A whole year of rest and travel around the world.

Do you think I took it and left? I came to this decision for a long time. At first, for about half a year, I struggled with shame, embarrassment and anger, found all the new reasons why the longed-for trip would not give anything at all, and so on endlessly. It turned out to be a fruitful period, you will not say anything.

And then one day I suddenly imagined future torments, and a brilliant thought came to me. This was the main insight of my "nervous" period: imagine the worst that can happen from a trip.

So, while I ride around the world, my business will order a long time - this is undoubtedly. The last warning letter will not accidentally reach me, and I will be sued. The company will be shut down, the goods will settle on the shelves, and I will bite my elbows somewhere on the cold coast of Ireland, where I will be stuck forever. Maybe I’ll even burst into tears in the rain. It will take 80% of the money from my account to pay off the debts, and the car and motorcycle will most likely be sold for next to nothing. And on top of all the troubles, someone will spit on my head from the balcony while I share the leftovers with a stray dog, which suddenly gets angry and bites my nose. Eh, life is a tin, how harsh you are.

Defeating fear \u003d defining fear

I advise you to settle for a few days in a row with meager and cheap food, a rough and harsh dress.

And then you will say yourself: "So what was I afraid of?"

Seneca
And then something amazing happened. Despite all the imaginary efforts to ruin my life, I began to look for a way out. As soon as I got rid of vague worries and uncertainty, presenting the most terrible, nightmarish scenario, the road ahead ceased to frighten me. Suddenly I found myself thinking about simple steps to save the remaining funds and wondering how I can get back on track if the worst happens. If I need to pay for housing, I can always get a job as a bartender. I can sell furniture and cook my own food instead of eating in restaurants. I can steal pocket money from a school kid who sweeps under my windows every morning. Sea options. I realized that it would not be difficult to return to their previous positions, let alone survive. Nothing fatal threatens me, even in the worst case scenario. I’ll survive another kick.

On a 10-point scale, on which one meant “no change,” and ten meant “irreversible changes in life,” my so-called worst alignment pulled only 3-4 points, and then only temporarily. In my opinion, this is the case in most cases, but people most often behave as if the irreparable happened - “all life is down the drain!”. However, if I managed to realize the most favorable, or even the most probable scenario, it would mean a solid 9 points or a radical change in life for the better.

In other words, I was threatened with something unpleasant and temporary with a probability of 3-4 points and permanent with a probability of 9-10 points. Moreover, no one is going to close the doors to a special prison for workaholics, getting a new sentence is not a problem! In the end, the main thing came to me: there is practically no risk, there is only a huge plus that brings changes in my life, and if I want, I can always move the same course and at the same pace.

It was at this moment that I decided to go on a trip and bought a one-way ticket to Europe. I started planning my adventures and eliminating excess physical and psychological baggage. The catastrophe never broke out, but since then my life has acquired a likeness to a fairy tale. Things went better than ever, and although I almost forgot about them, for 15 months they supported me on my travels around the world.

Exposing an optimistic fear

There is no difference between a pessimist who says: "Everything is in vain, there is no hope, so I will not do anything," and an optimist who adheres to the position: "I will not change anything - everything will turn out fine by itself," there is no difference. In both cases, nothing happens.

Yvon Chouinard 13 (b. 1938), founder of Patagonia
Fear has many faces, we usually try not to call it just fear. The name alone is enough to invoke it. The smartest people in the world pass off fear as something else - optimistic denial.

People who try not to think about leaving work cherish the idea that over time the situation will change for the better and they will have more time and money. This illusion looks convincing and even tempting if the current job is not hell, but just boring hard labor. The hellish torments require immediate action, but if everything is not so deplorable, you can endure, especially if you find a logical justification.

But are you really convinced that over time everything will work out, or are you just dreamed too much and found a reason to sit back? If you firmly believed in the coming changes for the better, would you doubt and ask such questions? Of course not. It is a fear of the unknown disguised as optimism.

Has your situation changed for the better in the last year, last month, last week?

If not, then there is nothing to expect that everything will work out by itself. If you've been fooling yourself before, it's time to stop and plan a quality leap. Unless you're a fan of the James Dean 14-style dramatic finale, you have a LONG life ahead of you. 40-50 years of work from nine to five is insanely long, especially if salvation does not arrive in time. This is over 500 months of hard work.

How much longer will you endure and suffer? Stop wasting your life!

Call the head waiter

You have well-being. But not a luxury. Don't tell me it's about money. The luxury I mean has nothing to do with money. You can't buy it. This is a reward for those who are not afraid of discomfort.

Jean Cocteau (1889–1963), French writer, artist, boxing manager, film director, screenwriter

Sometimes amazing coincidences happen. For example, when someone is taxiing from a parking lot full of hundreds of cars right in front of your nose and makes a place for you three meters from the exit. Just some kind of holiday!

Unpleasant coincidences also happen. During sex, the phone suddenly rings and strains for almost half an hour. The UPS courier is 10 minutes late. Such coincidences can ruin everything at once.

Jean-Marc Asche went to West Africa as a volunteer, eager to offer a helping hand to those in need. In this sense, he was ideally timed: in Ghana, he appeared in the early 1980s, in the midst of a coup d'état, at the height of hyperinflation and at the beginning of the worst drought of the decade. For the same reasons, many would say that he arrived in Africa at the wrong time - in terms of personal safety.

Moreover, Jean Marc did not heed the warnings. The national menu has changed, products such as bread and clean water have disappeared from it. For four months he had to eat a slimy mush of cornmeal and spinach. They don't sell that in cinemas.

"Wow, I can survive!"

Jean Marc had crossed the point of no return, but it didn't matter. In two weeks, he adapted to local breakfasts, lunches and dinners (with the only dish - Ghanaian bastards) and no longer tried to escape. It turned out that life is quite small - just food and good friends, and events that looked like a catastrophe from the outside turned out to be extremely life-affirming. “The worst thing” was quite bearable. To enjoy life, you do not need anything exceptional, it is enough to skillfully manage your time and know that the devil is not so terrible as he is painted.

Jean Marc, 48, has a great home in Ontario, but can do fine without it. He has enough money, but if he goes broke tomorrow, he will not be lost. Most of all, he treasures memories of friends and African porridge. The goal of his whole life is more memorable events for himself and his loved ones, he does not think about retirement. For 20 years now he has been working from time to time, although he does not complain about his health.

Don't save all the best for last. There is no reason for this.

Questions and tasks

I am no longer young, in my life I have had many reasons for alarm, but most have not come true.

Mark Twain
If you are afraid of jumping into the pool with your head, if you postpone the decisive step simply because you are afraid of the unknown, here is the antidote for you. Answer the questions, write down the answers and remember: it is much more useful to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, to throw thoughts on paper, than to squeal for a long time, thinking over each word. Do not shorten the text, it is better to have more of it. Take a few minutes for each answer.
1. Let's say you still decided to complete your plan. What is the worst outcome for you? What fears come to mind when thinking about big changes that are long overdue (or simply possible) to achieve? Imagine what happened in every detail, down to the most painful. Is your life over? How would you rate the irreversible consequences if measured on a 10-point scale? Are the consequences irreversible? How likely are they?

2. What steps can you take to repair the damage or achieve at least temporary improvement? Chances are, things are much simpler than you think. How can you get the situation under control again?

3. What are the results, temporary and permanent, if the focus succeeds? Have you already identified the worst case scenario? Now think about positive results, both internal (self-confidence, increased self-esteem, etc.) and external. Rate the possible return on a 10-point scale. What is the likelihood that you will be able to achieve at least partially good results? Have less intelligent people ever take on the same job and hit the jackpot?

4. If you were fired today, what would you do to take control of your financial situation again? Imagine this situation and return to the previous questions. If you quit your job to do a new job, how can you get back on track if absolutely necessary?

5. What are you giving up because of fear? As a rule, most of all we are afraid of urgently needed events - a phone call, conversation, action. Fear of the unknown is what prevents us from doing what is of particular importance. Identify the worst-case scenario, accept the forecast, and act. I will repeat once again so that this thought firmly stays in your head: most of all we are afraid to perform the most necessary actions. I heard somewhere that a person's success in life is measured by the number of "uncomfortable" conversations that he has endured. Make a decision to do one fearsome act every day. I have developed this habit by trying to reach out to celebrities and prosperous entrepreneurs and ask them for advice.

6. How much is the delay financially, emotionally and physically costing you? Consider more than just potential costs. It is also important to determine the extortionate cost of inaction. If you do not strive for what fascinates you, what will happen to you in one year, in five, in 10 years? How does it feel to succumb to circumstances, to give them 10 years of an already short life, to spend them on an activity that does not bring you satisfaction? If you look 10 years into the future and make sure they are filled with frustration and regret, and if risk is the likelihood of irreversibly negative outcomes, then inaction is the greatest of all risks.

7. What are you waiting for? If you are not able to answer this question without resorting to the statement “it is not time yet,” which we have already refuted, the answer is simple: you are afraid, like all people in the world. Assess the damage from inaction, determine the likelihood and reversibility of most erroneous steps, and acquire the most valuable habit of those who succeed and enjoy it - the habit of acting.

Chapter 4 Reboot

How to be unreasonable and know what you want

– Please tell me where to go from here?

– Where do you want to go? - answered the Cat.

– I don't care ... - said Alice.

– Then it doesn't matter where you go, '' said the Cat.

Lewis Carroll (1832–1898), English writer, mathematician and logician
The prudent person adapts to the world, and the unreasonable stubbornly tries to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, we owe all progress to the unreasonable person.

George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950), English writer

Spring 2005, Princeton, NJ

I had to go to blackmail. What else was there for me?

They sat around me, and if the names were different for everyone, then the same question stood in my eyes: "What kind of test?" Everyone was staring at me.

My lecture at Princeton University had just ended and was a great success. But I knew that, despite all my calls, most students would continue to do the opposite. Many of them will put up with 80 hour workweeks as high-paid coffee peddlers if I don't show you how to put into practice the principles in the lecture.

For this, the test was conceived.

The task was set in such a way that the students left their comfort zone using the tactics that I taught. The condition of the problem is simple: contact three celebrities, for example, Jennifer Lopez, Bill Clinton, Jerome Salinger, and persuade at least one to answer three questions.

How many students do you think completed the assignment?

Out of 20 free travel hunters?

Imagine ... nobody. No one.

There were no excuses: "It's not so easy to get a meeting with prominent people ...", "I am about to hand over a difficult task, so ...", "I would be happy, but it is impossible ...". In fact, there was only one reason, they only expressed it in different words: the task is difficult, almost impossible, there is no guarantee that no one will out-skip you. Since all the students overestimated the difficulty of the test, none of them even took it.

But the next year it was very different.

The second group just realized the meaning of the words that they heard from me before the assignment, and these were words ...

It's easier to cope with an unrealistic task than a real one

And chatting with a billionaire and getting a meeting with a star - the second group of students completed both tasks - is as easy as believing it is possible.

At the top of the world, life is lonely. 99% of people are convinced that a person born to crawl cannot fly, therefore they are content with a mediocre life. Thus, the more realistic the task, the more fierce the competition will be among those who undertake it, and, paradoxically, solving the problem will require more time and effort. It is easier to collect 10 million dollars than 1 million. To collect ten points once is easier than five times eight.

Don't you believe in yourself? Not only you. Don't overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are much better than you think.

There is another reason why unreasonable and unrealistic goals are more attainable.

To set a high goal for yourself means to cause a surge of adrenaline, which will provide endurance, help to overcome inevitable difficulties and bring you to the final. Realistic goals, driven by low ambition, help to hold out the maximum to the second obstacle. If the expected reward is so-so, you won't be able to resist with all your might. To sail on a catamaran among the Greek islands, I'm ready to knock my head through a wall, but for the trip to Columbus, Ohio, I will not give up even my favorite cornflakes. If I choose the second goal only for reasons of “reality”, I will not have enough enthusiasm to overcome even the smallest barrier to it. But when crystal clear Greek waters and exquisite wines beckon, I am ready to fight for such an opportunity to the end. Despite the fact that the degree of attainability on a 10-point scale for these two goals is 10 and 2 points, respectively, Columbus will certainly fail.

Striving for big goals starts with choosing the right ones.

What do you want? First of all, the exact formulation of the question

The question "What are your goals?" is also perplexing and confusing. To paraphrase it, it is necessary to abstract and look at the situation as a whole.

Inspiration is a more accurate synonym for the word "happiness", it is to it that you should strive. This is a true panacea ... When people advise you to give free rein to your hobbies, to do something that gives you pleasure, they, in essence, imply the same enthusiasm.

So, the circle is complete. You shouldn't ask questions like "What do I want?" or "What is my goal", and the question "What really fascinates me?"

ADS in Adults: Adventure Deficit Syndrome

At some point between graduating from college and looking for a second job, a chorus jumps into our inner dialogue with a chorus: be realistic, don't play out of yourself. Life is not a movie.

When you tell your parents at the age of five that you want to be an astronaut, you are assured that you can become whoever you want. This lie does no harm, nor does the claim that Santa Claus exists. But if, at the age of 25, you announce that you have planned something adventurous, the answer will be different: be realistic, learn to be a lawyer, accountant or doctor, have children and raise them to repeat the cycle.

If you ignore the advice of doubters and, for example, start your own business, Adventure Deficit Disorder (ADS) will not disappear. It will simply take on a different form.

This is how most people work hard until they die: "I'll just do my job until I save X dollars, and only then I'll do what I like." If you do not find out in advance what you still like, you will increase the amount of X to infinity, because you are afraid of the unknown and emptiness.

It is in this case that both employees and entrepreneurs turn into fat men in red BMWs.

Fat man in red BMW

There were several moments in my life, including shortly before leaving the company TrueSAN, just before fleeing the United States (if I had not escaped, I probably would have turned up with a UZI pistol at a McDonald's restaurant), when I imagined myself in the future as a typical fat man , the owner of the middle-aged crisis and BMW. I just watched those who were 15–20 years ahead of me, but walked the same path - a sales director, an entrepreneur in the same industry, saw what happened to them, and was horrified.

The phobia was so poignant and the image so powerful that Douglas Price, my fellow life design fellow and entrepreneur, used it to bring each other to life. For almost five years, Doug and I have been on parallel courses, overcoming the same obstacles and self-doubt, and thus maintaining a psychological connection. Our recession periods alternated, so we worked well together.

Remember, our enemy is not an abstract "fiasco", but boredom.

Clarifying Course: Fuck Realism

In many ways, the process is similar to targeting, but it has several fundamental differences:

1. In this case, the goals are concrete steps, not vague desires.

2. To be effective, goals must be unrealistic.

3. The focus is on activities that have to fill the vacuum created at the workplace. “Living like a millionaire” means doing interesting things, not just owning envy property.
Now it's your turn to think seriously.

How to Catch George W. Bush, or the Google Boss on the Wire

The following article by Adam Gottesfeld, entitled “Better Fail,” tells how I taught Princeton students how to get in touch with business leaders and celebrities of all kinds. The article is published with some abbreviations.

In justifying their inaction, people often use the excuse “it's not about what you know, but who you are” - as if everyone who succeeds is surrounded by powerful people from birth.

Better wrong

Adam Gottesfeld

Most Princeton students have a tendency to delay the delivery of term papers. Ryan Marrinan from Los Angeles, 2007 was no exception. But while most of the students were wasting their time updating their Facebook pages or watching YouTube videos, Marrinan would e-mail the Soto Shu school of Zen Buddhism with Randy Komisar, a partner in venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins Caulfield & Byers, and asked Google boss Eric Schmidt about when he experienced the happiest moments of his life. (Schmidt's answer: "Tomorrow".)

Prior to this correspondence, Marrinan had never had any dealings with the Komisar. Schmidt, a trustee of Princeton University, he only saw briefly at the Academic Council in November. Marrinan, who considers himself “naturally shy,” said that he would never have dared to send e-mails to the two most influential people in Silicon Valley if it hadn't been for Tim Ferris, invited by Professor Ed Schau to deliver a series of lectures as part of the course. "High-tech entrepreneurship". Ferris challenged Marrinan and his classmates to find a way to connect with real stars and high-ranking officials and ask them the most pressing of his questions.

As an incentive, Ferris suggested that the student, who would be able to contact the most difficult to reach person and ask the most intriguing question, a plane ticket to anywhere in the world and back.

“I’m convinced that success can be measured by the number of awkward conversations you’re willing to take on. It seems to me that if I help students overcome the fear of rejection, the fear of a useless phone call or a useless letter, it will serve as a lesson for them for life, - explained Ferris. “It's easy to belittle yourself, but when you see your classmates push for answers from people like [former president] George W. Bush, from the bosses of Disney, Comcast, Google, HP and dozens of other inaccessible people, you will inevitably want to reconsider the restrictions that set it for himself… ”Ferris lectures students on high-tech entrepreneurship every semester, explaining how to found a company and how to design the perfect life design.

“I participate in these contests every day,” Ferris continues. - I do the same thing as always: whenever possible, I find the personal mailing address of a potential interlocutor, often through little-known personal blogs, send a letter with two or three paragraphs of text, in which I explain that I am familiar with the work of these people, and then ask a simple, but a question requiring a thoughtful answer regarding the recipient's work or worldview. The goal is to start a dialogue so that future letters will be answered without haste, but without asking for help. It will only come to her after three or four full-fledged exchanges of letters. "

Using "the method of Tim Ferris in a textbook performance", as Marrinan himself put it, he managed to establish contact with Komisar. In his first letter, he mentioned that he had read one of Komisar's articles in the Harvard Business Review and it prompted him to ask the question: "When was the happiest day of your life?" After Komisar's response touched on Tibetan Buddhism, Marrinan wrote: "Words cannot convey true happiness, or express my gratitude." Attached to the response was his own translation of a French poem by Taisen Desimaru, formerly the leader of the European Sotoshu adherents. So little by little, correspondence began, and after a few days Komisar even sent Marrinan a link to an article on happiness in the New York Times.

Establishing contact with Schmidt proved to be more difficult. It took a lot of trouble for Marrinan to get Schmidt's personal email address. He sent a letter asking for this address to the dean of Princeton. I received no answer. Two weeks later, he wrote to the dean again, in defense, informing that he had previously met with Schmidt. The dean refused him, but Marrinan did not give up. He sent a third letter. "Have you never changed your rule?" - he asked. The dean finally flinched and sent him Schmidt's address.

“I know that some of my classmates have used an alternative method of mass shelling, and with success, but this is not for me,” Marrinan explained his tenacity. “I fight rejection with persistence, not trying to get agreement elsewhere. I borrowed my rule from my idol Samuel Beckett: “How many times I tried, so many mistakes. So what. Try again. Be wrong again. Make a mistake better. "

Nathan Kaplan, another contestant, was particularly proud of the way he contacted former Newark Mayor Sharpe James. Because James contributed to Al Sharpton's campaign, James's home address was listed on www.fundrace.org. Kaplan entered this address into an Internet directory where a telephone number could be found at the address, and obtained the phone number of the former mayor. Kaplan left James a message, and a few days later he was finally able to personally ask his opinion on children's education.

Ferris is proud of the student effort in this competition. “Most people are capable of amazing results,” he said. "Sometimes you just need to give them a little push."

Questions and tasks

Life loses meaning mainly in a state of boredom.

Viktor Frankl (1905–1997), Austrian psychiatrist and philosopher, founder of logotherapy, former prisoner of Auschwitz
Life is too short to be insignificant.

Benjamin Disraeli
Making a line of dreams is both exciting and challenging. And the more difficult this process, the more you need it. In order to save time, I recommend using calculator programs and electronic questionnaires at www.fourhourblog.com. Follow these steps.
1. What would you do if the possibility of failure was completely eliminated? What if you were 10 times smarter than all the people in the world?

Build two straight dreams - 6 months and 12 months, then make a list of five things you dream about. Include in the list what you would like to have (including material goods - a house, car, clothes, etc., but not limited to them), who you would like to become (a famous chef, a connoisseur of the Chinese language, etc.). ) and what to do (visit Thailand, find relatives abroad, participate in the ostrich races, etc.) - in that order. If you, like most people, find it difficult to determine your desires that fall under the listed categories, think about what you would definitely not want in each of the categories, and write down exactly the opposite. Do not limit yourself to anything, do not rack your brains over how to achieve these goals. While none of this matters. We are just doing the exercise of releasing desires.

Do not judge or deceive yourself in any way. If you really dream of a Ferrari, don't try to shake off your guilt by solving the problem of global hunger. Some dream of fame, others of wealth or authority. Each has its own shortcomings and vulnerabilities. Write down anything that will build your self-esteem. I own a racing bike because I don’t just love speed - it makes me feel cool to myself.

And there is nothing wrong with that. Write everything down.
2. Lost?

A. What would you be doing day in and day out if you had $ 100 million in the bank?

B. Why would you gladly wake up in the morning?

Take your time, think for a few minutes. If the barrier is insurmountable, fill in the “activity” category in this order:

The place where I dream to visit;

That with which I am going to leave a memory of myself after death;

What I dream of doing every day;

What I dream of doing once a week;

What I have always dreamed of learning.
3. What does it take to fulfill the “who I would like to be” dreams?

Here are some examples:

Become a famous chef → make your own Christmas dinner

Speak Chinese fluently → maintain a conversation with a Chinese colleague for five minutes

4. Pick four dreams that will completely transform your life.

On the six-month straight time, mark with an asterisk or other icon the most cherished and important dreams of all categories. If desired, repeat the same process for a straight time of 12 months.
5. Determine the cost of realizing these dreams, calculate the planned monthly income (PMI) for both direct times.

The tools and secrets at the end of Chapter 14 will help you calculate some of the costs.

Finally, calculate the PMD you need to make your dreams come true. This is done by first adding up the numbers in columns A, B, and C for only four select dreams. For some of them, the amount will be zero, and this is normal. Then add to it the total monthly costs multiplied by 1.3 (a factor of 1.3 is needed to calculate the costs with a 30 percent margin to cover possible risks). The amount received is your projected monthly income and a goal to keep in mind as you read this book. I gladly divided the PMI by 30 to get the Planned Daily Income (TPI). It turned out that it's easier for me to operate with daily goals. The calculator programs on this book's website will do the job for you. Therefore, you will cope with this stage in no time.

The numbers are likely to be much lower than expected and will decline over time as you move away from the “have” category in favor of the “do” category. Your mobility plays an important role here. And even if the total amount makes you feel shy, don't be alarmed right away. I have already happened to help students earn an additional 10 thousand dollars a month for three months.

Computing for straight dreams is another useful option

You can do another thing with monthly and one-time calculation goals. I selected from your example the monthly payments for Aston Martin, the monthly salary of a personal assistant, and a trip to the Croatian coast. If the first two goals fit into the planned monthly income, then the cost of the trip had to be divided by the number of months from now until the end of the direct dream.

If the length of the straight line is six months:

Aston Martin \u003d 2003 per month.

Personal assistant \u003d 400 per month.

Travel to Croatia \u003d only 934, hence 934/6 per month.

At the moment, according to the book and the table, it turns out (2003 + 400 + 934) × 1.3 monthly expenses \u003d Planned monthly income (PMD).

But, in my opinion, it should be (2003 + 400 + 934/6) × 1.3 monthly expenses \u003d PMD.

Or more generally, [Monthly Goals + (One-Time Goals / Total Months)] × 1.3 Monthly Expenditures \u003d PMD.

Jared, President, Set Consulting
6. Identify three steps for each of the four dreams, based on the six-month dream line. Take the first step immediately.

I'm not a fan of long-term planning and long-term goals. As a rule, I make plans for the next three months and six months. Otherwise, the conditions of the problem change too noticeably; with long planning, there is a temptation to postpone decisive actions for later. The purpose of our exercise is not to describe each step from start to finish, but to determine the ultimate goal, find out what means are needed to achieve it (PMD, PSD), and gain the necessary acceleration. At this stage, it is important to free up time and go to PMD (this will be discussed in the following chapters).

First of all, let's focus on the important initial steps. For each dream, identify three steps that will bring it closer to fulfillment. Make a sequence of actions - simple, concrete actions for today, tomorrow (finish before 11:00) and the day after tomorrow (again, finish before 11:00).

Once you have identified three steps for each of the four goals, follow the three steps in the Do Now column. Take them and make them immediately. Of course, the steps should be simple enough to be completed in five minutes or less. If more time is required, postpone these steps for later. If it’s not the right time to call and it’s late at night, do other things, such as sending emails, and postpone the call until the morning.
An example of "straight dreams"

"Straight Dreams"

Another option is a meeting or telephone conversation with a coach, mentor, salesperson to get off the ground. Can you arrange a private lesson or an appointment that would be awkward to cancel later? Take advantage of the feeling of guilt for your own purposes.

Tomorrow means never. No matter how small the task, take the first step now!

Comfort problem

The most important things are never pleasant.

Remember, there is a direct link between expanding your comfort zone and making your dreams come true.

So let's get started.
Point blank (2 days)

1) do not stare in both eyes at the interlocutor, occasionally blink so that you do not get nagged, mistaking for a psychopath;

2) maintain eye contact during the dialogue; this is easiest to do while your interlocutor is speaking and you are listening;

3) do the same exercise when communicating with superior or more confident people; if a passer-by asks why the hell did you hatch at him, smile and say, "Sorry, I mistook you for an old friend."

Alexander Zel

They sit at the computer, watching. The young one giggles, the older one is solidly silent, but I can see from the eyes that he is also giggling. But silently. They are watching such a boy. According to the reactions - the young one saw earlier, suggested the older one to "check it out".

So this is a fake Makarevich.

The young man was clearly offended, he such the show "brought", but here - a bummer.

Anything can be, - the elder says meaningfully and pretends that he is completely indifferent to it all.

... They remind me of the heroes of Soviet films from the distant 50s. Remember, there were such "production novels" in which the action took place at some construction site or at a factory. The main character is a young, but not yet walked up guy. He has a "working bone", but something or someone leads him astray. And then the guy meets the right girl (Komsomol member, activist) and slowly re-educates himself, rejecting all that (or all those) that prevented him from building our bright future. And there is always such an elderly mustachioed worker nearby in round glasses with an iron rim. He may be non-partisan, but he reads newspapers and his worker is not just a bone, but a whole skeleton. He, perhaps, in his judgments is not Cicero, but he cuts everything right.

These, of course, are not building a bright future in common, but they are building in general - the builders. One is over 30, the other is over 50. The young man has already walked up, found his correct one. Now he has taken up his mind, as the elder likes to say.

Yes, but the senior is well-read. He doesn't believe TV, but he watches. He doesn't believe in newspapers, but he reads. And then I discovered the Internet for myself.

… I explain that it seems as though it has already been proven that the video with the musician being thrown into the trash can is staged.

It's a pity, ”the young man says, disappointed.

What?

But he’s for the fascists, ”the elder cannot stand his meaningful silence.

I don't believe in these horoscopes, but nevertheless there is something scorpion in me, otherwise, why would I ask about it?

Would you like to dip someone in the tank as well?

A smile blossoms on the younger peony's bored face.

Well, I don’t know what it would give, ”the elder replies.

You would have asked him about this 10 years ago when he drank, - the young man grins.

He didn't drink, he drank. Once a week. It’s impossible for me now, the ulcer will be - as if the second is justified.

Uh-huh, once a week, but as! He gets drunk, bangs his fist on the table and swears at everyone - from the president to the housing office.

Why, the housing office still has something, but these management companies are now. That's who's in the tank, - the boiling breaks through. - No, just imagine, the house cannot be divided. Some fools signed up for some, others - for others. And who will repair them? And after all, according to the documents, I do not pay with this, they are mine, that is, they all owe it. The house is a mess. Of course, the managers have taken over everything in the city. And complain, don't complain, there, all the way to Moscow, each one covers the other. Bastards!

In-from, - sums up the younger. - And you say to the tank. I'm afraid we won't get off with one tank here. Gee-gee-gee.

Yes, I see, it's just your dream country.

Ukraine, who.

What are you, there are fascists.

Well, imagine, the head of the management company is in the tank. And then - sprinkle brilliant green on top.

And what will it do? - the elder chuckles.

And I would try, - the young man says dreamily, but quickly realizes and for some reason adds: - For fun.

Well, look, - says the second, - now they charge us for a square for overhaul ...

This endlessly long complaint begins with the management company and ends with milk prices. And that before the milk was real, but now it is made of palm oil, and if this oil is brought from abroad, then it is expensive, but if it were his own milk and real, then no sanctions would have bothered him.

That's who's in the tank, that's who! - the elder has already gone, and like ten years ago, only without a drink, he fires everyone from top to bottom.

... Why did I break them up, what pulled me?

At the end, the elder says:

Yes, it's all nonsense with tanks. They run around today, tear off their souls, and tomorrow they will twist them up and sit quietly to sit everyone. Because little by little. But instead of your Makarevich in the tank you need to plant this, with a goat-tree. That's who sings some nonsense in general.

Dreaming is not harmful, says popular wisdom. Despite the irony of this saying, it very accurately expresses our general attitude to one of the brightest and dearest concepts to every heart - a dream.

Let the reality be the most hopeless, even if life did not turn out the way it wanted, let the whole world go to war against you, and everything that could be lost has already been lost - all this can be experienced if a person has a dream. She is able to pull us out of the saddest hopelessness, she lifts us above everyday life and opens new horizons, permeated with the light of hope for the best. It has been sung for centuries by poets of all nations, the purest and most unselfish hearts have striven for it in their noble impulses.

And suddenly, having come to the Church, a person is faced with an extremely negative attitude to this concept, up to the direct identification of dreams with evil spirits: "demonic dreams." For many, this circumstance becomes a serious obstacle on the path of churching and may even completely discourage a person from further studying the Christian faith.

As in most cases of this kind, the problem arises here due to the different understanding and use of the same word in common parlance and in church use. The fact is that the word "dream" in the Russian language has many semantic shades, which, ultimately, determine the meaning of this word in each case.

For example, when a child is prone to daydreaming, this is usually perceived as a positive quality. But the phrase "over-age dreamer" is clearly a dubious compliment. The same word in relation to different age categories takes on the exact opposite meaning. And when talking about the reasons for the negative attitude to the concept of "dream" in Christianity, you first need to carefully look: what are the meanings of this word in general in the Russian language.

First of all, a dream is a cherished goal, a secret desire, the fulfillment of which should (according to the dreamer) bring happiness. The range of such dreams is extremely wide: here is the common for girls of all times and peoples "a prince on a white horse", and hopes for glory - "I dream of becoming a movie star", and career hopes - "a soldier who does not dream of becoming a general is bad", and there are still many, many things that can be talked about for quite a long time.

For a modern person, such a dream is for the most part a kind of "memory of the future", an opportunity, at least mentally, to break out of the limits of his present existence and see - how will it be there, then? True, “later” is entirely created by the imagination of the dreamer himself, but there is nowhere to go: a person has not yet invented a more perfect way to penetrate into his tomorrow.

You can just as well dream about your past, re-living in our thoughts those episodes of it that for some reason do not suit us. Indeed, in dreams, you can easily say completely different words, do other things, and in general - turn out to be much more intelligent, brave and noble than it really was. This version of daydreaming is also quite widespread, but unlike the first, it is mainly associated with negative experiences and is a kind of attempt to "correct" the past, at least in such mental performances, where you are no longer just a performer of one of the roles, but also and a stage director, as well as a playwright.

There are other meanings that have become of little use in our time. For example, I used the word "dream" to define what is commonly called today - associative thinking:

The flower is withered, dry,
Forgotten in the book I see;
And now with a strange dream
My soul was filled:

Where did it bloom? when? what spring?
And how long did it bloom? and ripped off by whom,
Alien, familiar hand?
And put here why?

In memory of a tender date,
Or fatal parting,
Or a lonely walk
In the quiet of the fields, in the shade of the forest?

And is he alive, and is she alive?
And now where is their corner?
Or have they already faded,
How is this unknown flower?

Another such obsolete meaning can be seen in the same Pushkin in the poem Poltava:

... family
I try to forget mine.
I became a shame to her; may be
(What a terrible dream!)
I'm cursed by my father ...

Here "dream" is used already as an assumption, a hypothetical possibility. Today it would hardly occur to anyone to explain themselves in this way, although only two centuries ago, such use of words did not raise questions from the reader.

But the Church Slavonic language, in which all the doctrinal truths of Christianity are formulated, arose much earlier than the language of Pushkin's poetry. And therefore, many words that came into our speech from those distant times are today perceived exclusively in their modern meaning, even if they are used in church literature. Such a story happened with the "dream".

The fact is that the word "dreaming" in Church Slavonic means literally - "ghost", a kind of image that has nothing to do with reality. In principle, the fruits of those very mental journeys into the past and the future could be attributed to this category, thereby closing all further questions. But that would be too simple and superficial a solution to the problem.

Having carefully examined the modern meanings of the word "dream", it is easy to conclude: they all imply a certain property of human consciousness, and the property is creative, capable of creating whole worlds that have never existed before. And one of the main statements of the Christian doctrine about man, and indeed about the entire created world, is the thesis of St. Maximus the Confessor: there are no things that are bad by nature, but there are things that are bad in their use. Consequently, all the properties of a person in themselves are good, since they were invested in him by God for the sake of some completely good goals.

Dreaming is condemned by the Church precisely as a wrong way of using the natural and initially good ability of the soul for abstract thinking, for the contemplative activity of the mind. In other words, literary creativity and the virtuoso lies of some swindler "on trust" are based on the same source - the ability of the mind to model everyday situations. But in the first case, this ability is used to open the dark corners of his soul to a person and call for repentance, in the second - for banal fishing for money from an unlucky victim.

And Christianity, condemning dreaming, calls on a person, first of all, to abandon such inappropriate use of intellectual abilities, to discipline the mind and heart, to establish order in that sphere that is not subject to anyone except the person himself - in the sphere of his thought.

wrote:

“Usually people consider a thought to be something unimportant, therefore they are very little picky in accepting a thought. But from the accepted right thoughts all good is born, from the accepted false thoughts all evil is born. Thought is like a ship's rudder; the direction and, for the most part, the fate of the whole huge machine depends on a small rudder, on this insignificant board dragging behind the ship. "

This is where one of the dangers of the dreamy mindset lies. After all, dreams are also the result of human mental activity.

Pictures created by our imaginations can delight us or frighten us, upset or delight us. But in any case, we are able to control them, give them one direction or another, enjoy their contemplation, or reject them in indignation as soon as they arise in our consciousness. This process of choosing an attitude to dreams is happening in us all the time, and it would be naive to believe that such an important part of our life does not need a certain discipline and ordering.

In all honesty, each of us can admit to ourselves that there are such dreams that we are ashamed to tell even the closest person. From the point of view of an unbeliever, this is not a big deal: you never know who fantasizes about something at their leisure - the main thing is that in real life everything is decent and within the framework of the law. But the trouble is that the most heinous crimes were committed by maniacs, sadists and rapists after they had committed them mentally hundreds and thousands of times and with these terrible dreams prepared themselves for real atrocities.

A person may be outwardly quite decent and law-abiding, but in his soul he carries the hell of the most monstrous fantasies. In most cases, they remain only in the thoughts of such "dreamers". But even if their fantasies did not burst out in the form of a real crime, they still cripple a person, burning him out from the inside.

A prominent figure in the Russian Diaspora spoke about it this way:

“... We tend to attach little importance to the bad movements of our heart and say to ourselves and others:“ Think and feel what you want, just do not harm anyone! ” Or in other words: "Who cares about my thoughts and feelings? .. After all, I am not hurting anyone?" But this kind of reasoning is deeply mistaken. … .A soul filled with impure thoughts and desires gradually loses its ability to perform light and good deeds. A sin of thought is worse than a sin that is committed. Sin by deed is always limited by the conditions of its commission; sin is never absolutely limited by thought. Only a few can be committed, but there is no end to the monstrous crimes that a person who has let his imagination go on can mentally commit. The worst thing is that, falling into this sin of inner uncleanliness, a person deceives himself with the consciousness that he is not doing anything wrong. And meanwhile, when the moment of real activity comes for him, his soul is completely consumed, all corrupted by the inner sin of the imagination, incapable of goodness and power over himself. "

To combat this misfortune, Orthodox ascetic ascetics, accustomed to careful observation of their inner world, have developed a whole system of "identification" of such destructive fantasies. First, a so-called "adposition" appears in the mind - a thought about sin that has no visual content. Then the person begins to consider this thought in his mind and, as it were, to interview it. The fathers call this "combination". Then a person already delights in a sinful thought, imagines in his mind how he could commit a sin - this is called "condolence". The next stage is called "captivity", when the habit of getting pleasure from sinful dreams captures a person so much that he cannot resist it, even if he really wants to. And only after that a person in real life does something that he himself can then bitterly regret.

It is possible to stop this flow from the thought of sin to sin itself at any stage, with the exception of captivity. It is best, of course, to discard the very adposition, the very thought of sin immediately after its appearance. But this requires constant attention to your thoughts, feelings, verification by their own conscience and comparison with. The holy fathers call this arrangement of the soul "sobriety." But the opposite dispensation, when a person's thoughts soar uncontrollably, in the Church they call it - dreaminess.

And even in those cases when a person is just lying on the couch and dreams of, say, a tourist trip to Fiji, all the same, such a pastime cannot be called useful, not only from the church, but from any other reasonable point of view. The dreamer, as it were, postpones life "for later", and does not value his present at all. By projecting into the future everything that is associated with happiness in his view, such a “couch” dreamer risks never achieving this happiness. The habit of living in the world of future joys and accomplishments is gradually tearing him away from reality more and more, and, in the end, can lead his soul to a completely deplorable state. Then, even having got to the coveted Fiji, he will still dream of something else, because he has already forgotten how to live and enjoy life here and now.

There is another form of dreaming that the Church warns against. This is suspiciousness. The range of its manifestations is very wide: from banal suspicions of a spouse of non-existent infidelity to serious mental disorders. With carcinophobia (fear of malignant neoplasms - ed.)For example, for years a person rushes to clinics and healers, trying to cure an oncological disease that he does not have and never had. And he is very offended by doctors who are trying to convince him that he is healthy.

The sequence of reasoning of a suspicious person very accurately conveys the well-known anecdote about a family quarrel: “You are my fish! - Fish? This means piranha. And piranha means teeth. And the teeth are a dog. Oh, mom, he just called me a bitch! "

In more detail, the same scheme can be observed in the Soviet film "The Blonde Around the Corner", when the heroine of Tatyana Dogileva, in the arms of her beloved man, suddenly begins to cry and through tears explains her behavior like this: “So we’ll get married and a boy will he will have everything his heart desires, and we will "enter" him to study at the best university. And so he will go to the village for potatoes, and will see there a shed with a basement, will begin to descend into the basement, and then an ax lying on a shelf will accidentally fall on him ... And that's all - there is no our blood, our boy! " Despite the exaggerated form, it is clearly seen here that the basis of the heroine's "tragic" conclusion is nothing more than a dream. And her further reasoning also belongs to the sphere of dreams, with which she managed to bring herself to tears in one of the happiest moments of her life.

Daydreaming-suspiciousness can turn a person's existence into a nightmare and even. And the reason for this is as simple as it is sad: having the ability to mentally model everyday situations, a person gradually loses the sense of the border between the real world and that phantom that exists only in his mind. And he begins to be guided in his real life by certain prerequisites and conclusions from the world of his own fantasies. The results of this "leadership" may be comic or tragic, but one thing is certain: such a "cocktail" of dreams and reality does not make life easier for a person.

There is such a word in Russian - "to think". It means just such a dreamy idea of \u200b\u200ba person about himself, about his place in the world, about relationships with other people. So, Rodion Raskolnikov, after long dreams about how nobly he would dispose of the values \u200b\u200bstolen from the old woman-pawnbroker, in addition, imagined himself that he had the right to dispose of other people's lives.

Of course, people who have imagined in life do not always come to the line that the hero of the famous novel crossed. But you can pretty much harm yourself with your own dreams, opinions, and without going to robbery with a double murder. For example, to think that the boss is dissatisfied with your job and wants to fire you, bring himself to neurosis with these dreams, and then, with surprise, to see the order for your promotion, signed by the same “villain-boss”.

Suspiciousness can be, relatively speaking, and "with a positive sign." After all, you can also dream of a completely attractive picture of life circumstances, which will have only one drawback: it does not correlate well with real life. The genius Pushkin, in just two lines, managed to express such a view of the world through the prism of the desired:

Ah, it's not difficult to deceive me! ..
I'm glad to be deceived myself!

However, such joy from self-deception will very quickly be replaced by disappointment, the cruelty of which will be directly proportional to the pleasure received. And when in prayer texts there is a petition to God “Deliver us from demonic dreams,” this does not mean that Christians consider any dream to be a product of evil spirits. Let's remember: in the Church Slavonic language, the word dream means - a ghost.

It so happens that an ascetic ascetic will think of himself as having reached the highest heights of holiness, and then evil spirits begin to appear to him in various forms - angels, saints, and even Christ Himself. But all these are just ghosts that can easily mislead a person who is prone to spiritual self-deception. After all, there will always be those who want to fool around a simpleton who “... is glad to be deceived himself”. And if such an ascetic believes these ghosts, then he can seriously suffer from his credulity. It is this kind of ghost dreams that are called demonic in the Christian tradition. But this does not mean at all that the Church gives anathema to any dream in general.

Any ability of a person is laid in him by God during creation, and therefore the ability to abstract thinking, associations, imagination (with which we usually associate the concept of dreams) is also from God, which means that they can also be used for the benefit of oneself and others. The only question is what goals a person who uses these God-given properties sets for himself, and what place the dream takes in his life.

So, a dream is often called a certain positive life program for the future - a certain plan for one's own development for many years ahead with a specific goal. For example, a young man says that he dreams of becoming a surgeon. To do this, he intensively studies anatomy and physiology, enters a medical institute, attends additional seminars, practices in the "anatomist", reads a huge amount of literature on the specialty, assists in operations, and finally becomes a practicing surgeon himself.

Such an attitude to one's dream can only be welcomed, because it is a powerful stimulus to activity, helps a person to build his life and decide on the path of life.

After all, many of today's priests, too, dreamed of becoming priests. And in this sense, the phrase "dreaming is not harmful" is completely fair.

But it also happens that a person, instead of realizing his dream, goes into it, hides in it from the real world, like a snail in a shell. Such a dream can take away from a person his real life, replacing it with a world of fruitless dreams and fantasies. Then, from a guiding star, she becomes a ghost, preventing her from determining the right direction. And hardly anyone will undertake to justify such dreaminess.

The Church does not take away from a person his dream, she only speaks of a reasonable attitude towards her.

What will it turn into - a positive positing of a high goal, or a passive escape from reality? Do a person's dreams correspond to the moral standard that he has defined for himself in real life? How not to lose the sense of the border between dream and reality? Here are the questions to which Christianity offers its own answers.

And whether to accept them or refuse - each of us decides independently.

Olga Vovchuk

Fear accompanies us all our lives. He warns of danger, does not let you get into trouble, and that's great. It's bad when fear prevents you from falling into something pleasant - freelancing, for example.

When I thought about remote work, my head was spinning:

“I can’t do anything, I don’t have experience”;
“I won't find a job”;
“I can't make a living as a freelancer”;
"I will fail";
"I am afraid to be disappointed in myself and my dream."

Fear makes it difficult to act rationally. To deal with it, make the process that scares you as transparent and understandable as possible. Let's figure out what is needed for this.

Identify the real reasons for freelancing

Take a piece of paper and line it in four pieces. Write down all the pros and cons of working in the office one by one. Then do the same with your freelance work. Be honest with yourself and jot down any little things.

Your list should be bigger. Go through each item and estimate its weight. Decide how important corporate insurance or live communication with people is to you. If you're ready to give it up without regret, move on to the next step. This will help you realistically assess the state of affairs and understand whether you are really ready to become a freelancer.

Visualize

Freelance your work often. Kari Chaplin, author of Handmade: Thinking Up and Doing Your Own Business, offers a visualization exercise: "Imagine waking up at home on a typical workday ... You no longer have financial problems ... You get out of bed, an ordinary morning begins ..."

The purpose of the exercise is to live a normal working day in your imagination, imagine everything to the smallest detail and then remember how you felt and felt at the same time.

Another useful visualization exercise is a wish map. Take a Whatman paper and a stack of old magazines. Cut out pictures and photos that make you feel good. These are the types of your desires and dreams. Arrange the images in the form of a collage and glue them on whatman paper.

Hang it where you can see it in your home. When you pass by, imagine a future life in which there will be interesting remote work with great customers, travel and a lot of positive emotions. This will help reduce feelings of anxiety and stop fearing change.

Conduct an audit

Analyze your expenses and match them to your wants and needs. The fear of the unknown will not prevail so much if you have a clear idea of \u200b\u200byour financial condition. For these purposes, select and download a budget planning application to your phone. It will track the main expenses and determine the required amount of monthly earnings.

Another tool is offered by Timothy Ferris, author of How to Work Four Hours a Week. It's called the "line of dreams."

The trick of the approach is that budget planning does not come from how much money is required for the necessary ones, but from how much you need to earn in order not to deny yourself anything. To create a "dream line", select four cherished dreams. Determine the costs of their execution and plan the corresponding monthly income.

Then, identify the steps for each of your dreams and take the first step immediately. Ferris writes that if the total is shy, don't be intimidated. When you ditch the “have” category in favor of “do,” the numbers begin to diminish and no longer seem out of reach.

Make an action plan

The path is always easier if you have a map in your pocket to check with. Use mindmaps for this. Unlike ordinary to-do lists, mind mapping allows you to create a visual detailed map of the process and increase the efficiency of its implementation tenfold.

My draft mental map

Mind maps have a cool feature. When you write one paragraph, the next idea will automatically appear in your head. This makes the action plan as complete and useful as possible and does not let you forget about important little things. The finished map can be modified and supplemented at any stage of work.

Study the statistics

It's always calmer if you know the average temperature in the hospital. A study based on the Fl.ru exchange showed that the number of women freelancers is constantly growing. Since 2010, their share has increased from 33% to 42%. The percentage of freelancers for whom remote work is the main source of income has grown, such as 34%.

The income level of remote employees has increased. If in 2010 a freelancer earned up to 30 thousand rubles a month, then in recent years - 38 thousand rubles and more. A survey of entrepreneurs showed that 42% of business owners regularly seek services from remote workers.

Every month we are convinced of this at Helppy school, where there are more offers from employers than potential performers. If one of the graduates of the course does not work, in most cases because they do not apply for all vacancies.

Finally, a fact that will finally relieve you of fears and doubts. The HR company TINYpulse conducted research and found that employees who work remotely feel happier and more productive than office workers.

Fear nothing!